Hey friends, it’s finally here! Check out “Travelin’ Light”

http://convergeauburn.org/chelsie

There you can find the latest writings, Jesus, life, news about my upcoming Africa trip and other fun things!

If you kept up with my tumblr page, I won’t be using it anymore, so check out the site!

Much love,

Chee

Hey dear friends! Recently I’ve been made aware of the need to revamp my blog and make it more functional for you! That’s why I haven’t written in a bit… I’ve been working on a website— surprise! My goal is to have it fully functioning by this Monday, May 28th. I will share my site here in a post when it’s up. 

Once that’s up and running, I won’t be using my tumblr anymore. 

Be prepared for something new and good! I’m so stoked!

Much love,

Chee

The warm, sticky, late afternoon air wrapped it’s heavy presence around us as we walked down the street of my neighborhood. One girl held my longboard as I held the hand of a 4-year-old, who holds my heart. There’s something about little Daniel— I’m not sure what it is, but there’s something. His life just explodes with joy and I cannot help but smile when I’m with him; he’s a little God given gift in my life.

Daniel and I watched the girls take turns skating up and down the street as he held my hand because he was scared of the dog barking in a lawn across the way.

“He’s a nice dog,” I began. “He’s just guarding his family— he won’t bother us if we stay out of his yard.”

Classic Daniel moment:

“What does guard mean and how do you know that he is a boy?”

I was unable to explain why I called the huge dog a boy, but that wasn’t an issue because Daniel moved on quickly as his eyes grew wide.

“What’s that,” he asked, pointing to something on the sidewalk.

“That’s a worm,” I said as we walked closer.

But it wasn’t any old worm… it was a dried up, fried from the sun worm. Gross! 

“Oh yes,” Daniel exclaimed as he picked it up. “I am going to keep it.”

One of the girls was watching and started to laugh and then pointed out another fried worm. So it began… a trail of dead worms; a perfect trail for a little boy to follow! I mean, what little boy doesn’t think that’s cool. Oh man…

He picked up one dead worm after another, showing off his collection. Then, all of a sudden, he set his eyes upon a “treasure.” A rusty washer (you know those things you put on a bolt— yes, I know what they are, aren’t you surprised?), which was equvillent to rusty gold in his mind.

Overwhelmed with excitement, he held the collection of dried up worms and a rusty washer tightly in his small hand and ran to show his big sister.

“Look at my worms and treasures collection!”

He was beaming over something some of the kids thought was kinda gross. But he didn’t care because he knew that he held something extremely precious. In fact, he some how managed to keep the collection in one piece for a few hours and take it home with him, still holding on to it after two days. (That’s a big deal for a little kid!)

I learned a lot from my little 4-year-old friend that day. To him, he held something good and precious and he didn’t take it lightly. He showed everyone, asking them if they wanted to hold it and he did not care if someone thought it was gross. He knew where he stood and he was overjoyed to have found such a treasure. He was so willing to share it too, which was the radical part.

I sat in the driveway of the house I live in with some of the kids about an hour later and we covered it in chalk. My hands shook in excitement as I wrote about why Christ created us and as I watched the kids draw and write just what that looks like to them. I couldn’t help but think about little Daniel and the picture he painted with worms and treasures as I sat in chalk, which covered my skirts, TOMS and hands; he reminded me of something grand; something that encouraged my soul to keep on fighting.

Jesus. What a treasure— one that was never meant to keep to ourselves, and no matter what anyone else says, it does not take away His value and it should not change our view. 

“…to make the word of God fully known… Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil,struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.”

Colossians 1:25, 28-29

I breathed in the late afternoon as the wind made it’s way through my little silver car’s windows and danced with my messy hair pinned back in a bun. I’ve got to be honest and say that I am relieved that the dusk sky in this city is quite gorgeous. I thought for so long that nothing could match a sun streaked sky in Tampa—- little did I know I was right, but also wrong. Nothing could match it because God was busy painting a different masterpiece in other places that was beautiful and unique in itself. He’s so creative it makes my mind beam with wonder.

I was driving after a long day full of a lot of crazy thoughts, and chatting with a dear friend about life— boy did it sounds like a string of messes. A question strung itself through my words,

“What to do?”

I’m thankful for my sweet friend Jess; she always lets me dump my messy mind on her and waits to hear what the Spirit says as I talk it out. Eventually something clicks in my scattered mind from the Spirit and as I share it, she seems to confirm it. I can’t really explain it and I don’t think she knows how much God uses her when I just gotta dump out words like a truckload. She’s also a true hero in my book, because she puts up with my randomness as I talk (honestly, anyone who does and loves me just the same is!). Sometimes I will be distracted by something I see and will start a side note in the midst of the conversation… maybe she puts up with me because its fun? One like me would only hope. This happened again as the summer sun prepared to lie down in its bed, when I saw a recliner on the side of the road.

“Oh snap, there’s a recliner on the side of the road,” I began. “I should pull over and take it to New Leaf.”

She laughed and honestly so did I. Since when did my eyes start taking notice of things on the side of the road that had ben thrown out by someone who deemed it as trash? When did I start to see it as treasure and something that could be saved and made new? When did I see it as something to be redeemed?

Well, furniture is pretty obvious— since last September, I’ve seen it in a new way, and a nerdy one at that. But it’s more than just being thrifty and making money— I actually believe it’s something God showed me to teach me about life and the core of His heart.

I didn’t start seeing things that had been “cast out” and deemed as “no good” as things of worth and beauty last September— I actually started seeing those things years before, when I was a a head-bangin’ teenager… when I came face to face with Jesus and I caught a glimpse of His heart.

I was overwhelmed when the burning truth of Isaiah 61 interrupted my “happy”, naive American teenage life, and it never left me the same. The Spirit did something in me that I am convinced can only be seen if He opens someone’s eyes— I had such a heart for people who were rejected, forgotten, broken and in the lowliest of places; the ones that society deemed unworthy and should be left on the side of the road for everyone to drive by and stare at.

I’m thankful He gave me brand new eyes.

Redemption. Who would have thought that Jesus would let me see furniture these days to keep pushing me on to live a selfless life and  glorify His name so His creation, could be redeemed? I just love how our God works.

As I pondered pulling over, I told Jess there was no way I could pick up that recliner anyways. I was by myself and I don’t know how in the world I’d get it into my car or much less the little consignment shop. I knew if I even tried, people would think I was insane trying and I was ready to get home.

I continued to spill out my thoughts when it was concluded that right now, I need to live to the fullest in the present, as I wait.

Great. Again? Really God?

Yes, really.

Wait.

Then, as brilliant and hilarious as this is, Jess busted out a funny picture that has rocked a few of my friend’s views on waiting these days. It’s a picture involving, what else, but a recliner. A few of us have listened to sermons by Louie Giglio about marriage (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know), and there was one in particular called “Waiting Here for You” (amazing song by the way by Christy Nockels). What’s so grand about this title is it’s not what you think it is… of course Louie talks about waiting for your future spouse, but he really smacks it down about what it means to wait on God for well, anything. He challenges the lies we often believe when it comes to waiting and oh man did conviction run through my veins. 

At one point, Louie said that sometimes Christians think waiting means a time to just chill out… so they sit in a recliner and just sit. They don’t do anything effective and they just sit, and then get mad that nothing is happening. When really, waiting is translated in the Bible to serving— we are supposed to be active and get in with His goodness and be a part of what He’s doing. 

Is that a word for me right now. I’m really thankful I saw that recliner on the side of the road and rambled about it because God used it to tell Jess to remind me what I am supposed to do with this wait. (This wait that I am referring to is not a relationship, although I’m waiting for one of those in great hope one day, but this story is not about that). 

I’m supposed to be present and show up for my life— pour out everything for His name and glory until He reveals the answer and the way to go. But I don’t serve Him just because I want an answer, no it’s not about that. Instead, out of great love, I obey my Father, knowing it’s not about me. And whatever way He leads me, will be the best path.

Too often we worry about what we don’t know that we aren’t present for our own lives, which is something we should know.

Later this evening, I sat in the kitchen as I told Reba about my day and what I was struggling with. Out of great love and extreme encouragement (and spiritual smack down) she reminded me of a Scripture that the Spirit knew I needed to hear:

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”  As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

James 4:13-17

Those words were truth to me worn out soul— as they were poured over it, they stung as they began to clean out the worry and lies. But they satisfied because I knew my mind was being renewed and healed, as it was being made ready for battle to glorify our Lord over my flesh once again.

What sweet words, to live for today and to not say what you are going to do… did I need that, especially in these circumstances. I’ve been desperately crying out for God to speak so I can obey Him and not go the way I want and I realized it’s time to change my vocab and mind set.

If the Lord wills.

If He wills.

If He wills, He will do it.

If He doesn’t, it’s just as beautiful, and fact even more so.

Because it’s His will.

Whew. That should take a weight off of your back— if it doesn’t, you cannot be scared to let go of control. Holding on will only kill you, and everyone else in between.

I don’t think you’ll find me with my feet kicked back in a recliner anytime soon. Instead, I’ll probably be wearing a pair of running shoes, dancing to the soundtrack He’s put before me and living it to the fullest… satisfied in what He’s given now.

That’s what Jesus died for; He is so glorified when a man’s heart is fully alive and living fully.

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

-John Piper, from “Desiring God”

I don’t want to make this decision on my own. I certainly don’t want others to make it for me or suggest the way I should go. I don’t want my wild, free spirit to think it’s something cool and jump on in because of that. I don’t want to go because I feel like that should be the next step. I don’t want to go because I think it’s something great and so does everyone else. 

But most of all, I don’t want to go if God never says go.

Right now, He hasn’t said much of anything— and I think it’s for a reason. Although I’m not sure, it has made me stop and really step back and look at this, with all emotions and dreams aside. It’s made me trust; it’s challenged me to have raw, pure faith and release all control.

Maybe my dreams are right here… or maybe they aren’t. But what if they are? It’s a choice I cannot make or see on my own.

Of course the idea of going does not scare me because that’s just how He wired me— to drop everything and follow Him at all costs. In my Bible, is a prayer written on a piece of paper that really bleeds my heart:

Jesus, whatever You say, I believe You. Whatever You do, I trust You. Wherever You lead, I will follow. I devote myself to You above ALL others. I give up all my desires and pursuits for Yours. There is no cost too great for being Your disciple. I abandon everything, that I may come after You. For You alone are worthy.

9.12.10

It’s deemed me crazy, since the time I wrote it out because I’ve gone places that the world and even the church (not the Church) thought were not worthy. But who are they to say? Jesus takes anything, even the lowest things, the things that aren’t romantic and glamorous and uses them; it does not matter to Him, He uses whatever HE SEES AS FIT. I devoted myself to follow Him, not winning the approval of man. It’s often made me look out of luck and alone.. but where else could I go— when I’m with the Lover of my soul and He’s using me as an instrument of love and mercy to the lost, forgotten and broken? No where, except to where He’s said.

My 24-year-old blood runs wild, it has since the first day about 14 years ago that I tasted and I saw just how good He is. It’s full of enthusiasm, compassion and adventure… it has soul. It will tell you like it is, yet will sit humbly and know it’s not about me. It’s a concoction of things only the Almighty God Himself could think of, and when it’s used for Him, it explodes for His glory. But when it’s taken into my own hands, it bleeds of sin and creates a devastating mess.

And that’s where I am— I don’t want to take this into my own hands. 

Of course my adventure says, (key word being MY)

“Let’s go.”

But my heart stops and asks,

“Is it God saying go, or is it you?”

Sometimes, I think opportunities are put before us to see if we will obey what God says… what if He puts something so radical in front of us, only to see if we will say no? What if He does that because He knows we have no fear and will automatically sell everything we have and say yes because we desire to obey Him above all else? Or what if, He puts it in the middle of things we feel we can’t leave so we will say yes? Only He knows… and His reasons are good.

The only thing I do know is that right now, He has not said the way to go yet. 

What’s insane in my mind is that I’d go so willingly and He knows that. But lately, something in my heart has dropped when I think of it. Is He preparing to take it away? And is it true that maybe I will be so glad He did? Would I really love for it to not look like forever even if He gives it? Or would I be heartbroken?

Only He knows.

Oh Lord, I don’t want to go if you say no; but I don’t want to stay if You say Yes.

Holy Spirit, help me to hear. I want to obey.

Speak, for your servant is listening. 

Men plan, but God prevails. 

Oh my soul, be not deceived— wait for Him, don’t be quick to leave.

-Bethany Dillion from “To Those Who Wait”

This particular line has wrapped its simple words around my heartstrings recently and I realize it’s for an extremely important reason. It’s because of that one little word, the one that is subtle and often ignored, yet it leads to a chocking death that is quite quiet:

Deceived.

Deception has been an issue from the beginning of time on this planet. Eve was lead astray and deceived by the serpent to eat the fruit that God told them not to. The enemy is cunning and usually uses half-truths to deceive us. That’s how he rolled with Eve, by first asking her a question about what God said. He stated what God said and when he had her rolling, he put in the half-truth about she shall not surely die. Yeah, she wouldn’t die right then if she did it, but she would surely eventually die a physical death— one that would have never been in the picture if she didn’t fall into deception.

Maybe you would have thought the people of God would have learned, but it became very real that deception crept its sneaky self into mankind as time went on. Moses once wrote:

Beware that your hearts are not deceived, and that you do not turn away and serve other gods and worship them. 

Deuteronomy 11:16

Deception always turns our hearts away from what is good and turns us to the things that are useless and puts us in bondage. 

The Bible is pretty clear on who  the enemy is:

…that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—

-Revelation 18:9

But I can’t just give you a part of that verse… this is where truth comes in the mix— truth is the only thing can overcomes deception. The truth throws the enemy on the ground (oh what hope we have!):

Now war arose in heaven, Michael and his angels fighting against the dragon. And the dragon and his angels fought back, but he was defeated, and there was no longer any place for them in heaven. And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.  And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Therefore, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!”

Revelation 12:7-12

In a world that reeks of deception, there is a God of truth who stands and holds victory in His hands. 

Man. I have to stop for a second. Do you realize who Jesus Christ really is? His very blood that was poured out and spilled for sinners like us, is the same blood that has conquered the accuser of us— Jesus (He already does this for His children, but one day the enemy will be thrown down forever) THROWS SATAN ON THE GROUND. That junk is better than any great tackle in a football game that’s in overtime I’ve ever seen. 

The reality is that there’s a battle going on for the souls of men and Satan knows his time is short, so he never ceases to deceive us as long as there’s breath in our lungs. No one is excluded from this— he attacks those who confess the name of Christ because he doesn’t want them to live in His freedom. The truth is, if we lived in total freedom, the freedom that Christ died for, a miracle would explode on this earth— we would come to see His Will be done  on earth as it is in Heaven. We would realize and live that God’s already won and we would not be fearful and we’d turn the world upside down, through His Spirit and for His glory. He knows if the people of God are deceived, they will waste their lives and let others die a death that wakes them up in the damnation of Hell for all Eternity. 

This is some serious stuff and it’s been a breakthrough in this current point of this journey called my life. I absolutely love Christ with every bit of me and He’s told me to stand in His freedom. To do so, He had me to look back before I could go forward— as I looked back, He started to show me the quiet deceptions that dug deep roots, which I had started to believe as truth. These things became so “normal” to me  that I couldn’t even realize the things in me that they were killing. I shutter as I think about that…

I felt like God handed me a shovel called truth. This junk will pierce you and sometimes you bleed as you start to use it to dig up the roots of deception that have been planted in you that affect the way you see and react to everything. It hurts as your life starts to become undone and sometimes it’s horrifying when you see things and think,

“How did I ever come to believe this was true?”

The thing about truth though, is that it heals. When I  think about wounds, I know in order to heal properly, they have to be cleaned with some disinfectant. When something is poured into a wound, it burns as the dirt and infection meet something that attacks it. Children fight their mother’s as they try to clean out wounds sometimes because they know it will hurt. But mother’s, out of great love and knowing the best way, always remind them that the hurt is only temporary; if they do not clean it, there may be hurtful long-term consequences. Truth does the same thing to our heart, mind and soul— it confronts and cleans out all of the lies and deception that are infecting us with bondage and death. It often hurts when it collides with those parts, but it’s the difference between freedom and bondage; death and life. 

Truth has turned out to be water for this dry and weary soul and it’s caused me to stand and live a life in freedom. It has overflowed from my life into others and it has caused me to witness the power of the Spirit and truly be about His Kingdom and the souls of men.  Constantly I pray for the Spirit to reveal lies I may have believed and sometimes I am quite shocked when He shows me things— sometimes they trace back to my childhood even! But I am thankful for the power of truth and that God loves us enough to give it to our broken mess and in return, we are made new for Him.

I felt impressed this morning to share some lyrics to a song with you before I began to write this. As you read them, I hope you look up this song and listen to it. This song terrified me when I first heard it and sat down and listened to the words last September because it opened my eyes to the reality of the deception of the enemy. Sometimes, he makes deception look so beautiful. But there’s only one maker of anything beautiful and that is God Almighty. My hope is that someone, whoever it is, will read all of this at some point and be free from lies and experience the truth and power of Jesus Christ. I pray that you would grab truth and not stop until the roots of deception are out of you, so you may grow in the freedom Christ died for.

With love, Chee

“If I Were” By Andy Gullahorn

If I were the devil I wouldn’t wear red

I wouldn’t have horns or a pitchfork

I wouldn’t breathe fire cause it might give me away

But if I were the devil you’d never know

I’d befriend you quick and corrupt you slow

so you don’t notice until its far too late

If I were the devil

If I were the devil

If I were the devil I’d spend all day

lowering standards of what’s okay

to think to say to watch on your tv

I’d break down the value of promises kept

and fade out truth till there’s nothing left

except gossip and lies popping up as thick as weeds

If I were the devil,

If I were the devil

I might not be as foreign as you think

cause I wouldn’t always show my evil side

I’ve got the time and patience just to wait

and steal your soul just one sin at a time

Like I would if I were

No I’m not the devil but if I was,

I’d take God’s people and split them up

to keep their minds off who they’re called to be

So they’re no longer fighting over living or dead

is it the body or just bread

while all the unfed die hungry on the street

If I were the devil, If I were the devil

(Chorus)

I’d make moms and dads who never stick around

Pain so bad you have to drink to drown

And guilt so I can kick you when you’re down

And I would if I were

If I were the devil I wouldn’t wear red

I wouldn’t breathe fire cause it might give me away

The heavens have opened up tonight and apparently the ground is extremely thirsty. I’m sitting in a quiet room with nothing to listen to but the pouring rain knocking on the roof above my head repetitively. I cannot sleep, but I know God’s kept me awake so I can see. As I listen, I cannot help but think about giving thanks; I am so thankful that I can see Him right now. Sometimes the simplest things can be the very keys that unlock our eyes to see God’s glory and just who He is.

God’s glory is displayed all around us; this early morning I’m watching Him give Himself in the rain, like a watering can being spilled out for a flower garden scorched from the heat. He so willingly gave Himself up for us while we were dead in our sins, pouring out His blood for a garden of people He loved, though you and I deserved to wither away. When His blood meets the dried up patch of our souls, a garden is redeemed. When it is redeemed, it is meant to grow— for Him, so He will receive glory and so that others may look upon and be brought back to life as well.

I’m watching Him move about in the rain drops that are satisfying a dry and thirsty earth. The steady and sure flow of water reminds me that He is faithful and that His waters satisfy. Although the rain will eventually stop, He won’t cease. He is the living water and my soul can rest in Him.

His Name is sweeter than the rain.

It’s simple.

But lately, it’s the little things.

It’s actually quite bigger than I know.