January 2012
4 posts
“And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good....”
– “The Master Artist” from Come Away My Beloved
maybe it's all gone black, but You're ALL i see.
Have you ever screamed at the top of your lungs from the depths of your gut and soul because you really understood that you were free? Well… maybe you haven’t or maybe you think this sounds crazy. But tonight I did. Something amazing came to life in the cracks of my soul and heart that only the Lord Jesus Christ could do.
I was driving in the thickest fog ever and as every thing...
beautifully broken.
God has wrecked everything I have ever known and come to call my life these days. The funny thing is, I look at what this culture would call strange or a disaster and I see something beautiful. I know I am not looking at it with my own eyes and I know I didn’t get to this point because of anything I have done. Something supernatural happened— I was blind, but now I see.
I never knew...
Kenya: Day 4. August 21, 2011. Sunday.
“By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world- our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believe that Jesus is...
December 2011
9 posts
current lessons.
I came to the end of myself and I found God; His arms were open and His path was straight. His understandings were healing when I realized He knows and I don’t. My “understandings” left scars, unanswered questions, pride, judgement and really they didn’t make much sense at all. But His, they were beautiful. You see, His ways are good. My ways are broken and sinful, so how...
He leads us into beautiful places.
I remember this time last year clearly; there’s a few things that are the same but a bunch more that are different. Tomorrow, I am going home for Christmas… and this is where this all begins.
Last year at this time, I was at the end of me. I was tired and I felt like I could sleep for weeks. It was my first December away from home for my birthday and it was also my first December in...
Egypt? I'm not goin' back.
I have to start off by saying that God’s word is alive and active; hallelujah. Last night, I was reading in Jeremiah and God’s people were headed back to Egypt and living in complete rebellion to the Lord. They wanted to do what they wanted and they thought “freedom” was in the very place they were in bondage years before. God was pretty tired of it.. His love sent people...
Twenty-four: Lord, it is Yours.
“And do you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not, for behold, I am bringing disaster upon all flesh, declares the LORD. But I will give you your life as a prize of war in all places to which you may go.” Jeremiah 45:5
I woke up yesterday on my 24th birthday with vision— it was vision that was not my own. Instead, it was vision breathed upon me by God. I could hardly get...
Twenty-three, you were beautiful and tough; you taught me to grow up and how to stand when everything was crashing down. Soon we say goodbye and it’ll be time to say hello to a new song. Thank you Lord for the lessons you taught me and the freedom you are having me walk into— twenty-four:: it’s all for You Jesus. All of my days.
December 7, 2011: A day of vulnerability, dreams...
Vulnerable.
This December started off kind of rocky for me.. mentally that is. Before December started, I didn’t realize that my last few days of being 23 would be a fight. I could not pin point it at first; I woke up one morning and looked around my bedroom.
“Where am I,” I thought. “And how did I get here? Lord, was it supposed to look like this?”
I realized my...
“Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries...”
– “Twenty-Four” by Switchfoot… song of the week as 23 wraps up- song of this new year in my life.
December, sweet December... Are you where you...
The beginning of December always comes so sweetly to me and it always causes me to pause and take a look back. That’s because in nine days, I always end up being a year older. An Anberlin lyric is racing through my head right now:
Are you where you thought you’d be, so beautiful and only twenty-three?
-From “Alexithymia”
Talk about a line that sinks deep and really...
November 2011
7 posts
“You might let me cry; You might let me sing; You might let me feel a fraction of...”
– “Never Let Me Down” Andy Gullahorn
The Candlestick →
Word from the Lord.. I love you Jesus.
A word the Lord gave me this afternoon:
Jesus keeps no record of wrongs; He loves us when we are weak and when we make mistakes. He doesn’t degrade us or point out all that is wrong with us. Instead, there’s only grace.
He takes us in, brushes us off and with love, He shows us why we need Him. He makes us new and His grace is so amazing and sweet that we cannot help but ask Him to...
“You have to tear it apart to get the pieces to mend.
Strange place to start –...”
– Andy Gullahorn
I'd wait for the whole world to show you.
If there’s one person to ask about love, it’s certainly Jesus Christ, who is love Himself. When I was 10 years old, I so clearly experienced a love that set me free and radically changed my whole life. I didn’t grow up in a Christian household and I was so hungry for the Lord. As I approach 24 in less than a month, I can look back and say I’ve been through thick and thin...
To all those who gave and prayed for me to go to...
Jambo! (Hello in Swahili)
As I write this, I realize that it’s been a full two months since I have been back from Kenya and finally the Lord has given me words to share with you! So much happened in Africa and I’m so thankful the Lord allowed me to go in August. Before I share some things that happened, I first need to share why it has taken me so long to put Kenya into words.
When it...
sometimes.
Sometimes, usually at times I do not expect, it hurts. In it, I trust that my sweet Jesus is good; He never left and He continues to hold me and sing me to sleep. A moment hasn’t crossed my mind where I have doubted my Lord. I may have asked “why” here and there, but my heart won’t allow me to run away from Him. I am thankful because I know that is His power and strength...
October 2011
6 posts
HE knows who I am.
by c.stulz
I AM says you are:
chosen.
beautiful.
pure.
clean.
new.
wonderful.
unique.
forgiven.
cherished.
remembered.
loved.
wanted.
free.
whole.
strong.
pardoned.
found.
precious.
alive.
worthy.
noticed.
royalty.
changed.
important.
blessed.
protected.
justified.
defended.
saved.
redeemed.
His.
What I AM says… is enough. hallelujah....
a note from my daddy.
This surprise note from my daddy made me not only cry, but made me really understand just a little bit more of God’s love for us. As I read these words, I somehow got lost and it was as if God was reading them to me… I had to share them because I hope when you read them, you will hear how God adores you. When we feel so worthless, God feels different. We are so precious to Him, even...
suffering&prayer
Last night, a friend and I talked on the phone about suffering and prayer. Sometimes when we are suffering (well honestly, most of the time) we pray for Christ to stop the pain or for us to just feel better/be happy. In doing so, we often miss the beautiful things God is trying to do through the suffering. Our prayers should be about us being willing to walk through this because we know God will...
Jesus is constant.
Change usually takes a toll on us. I think this is because we weren’t meant to have change; sin is what brought about change. This change brought death, pain, tears, suffering, hate, loss, uncertainty, loneliness and everything else that rips us in two. Somehow, over time, we decided as humans to rely on ourselves and our faulty world (even though it’s always changing and that is what...
“Truth comes like a thief when the ceiling caves in.
Such a sweet relief the...”
– Andy Gullahorn
One month ago, I came back to the states.
It’s been a serious, trying time since I’ve been back from Kenya. I have shared a little about the trip here and there— it’s obvious I’ve only shared about a splinter of what actually happened. There’s been a few reasons why I haven’t been able to really talk about it and that’s what needs to be shared now.. I want to add a quick side note before I...
September 2011
14 posts
a night drive and a choice.
Tonight I did something that I haven’t done in a few years. I was feeling sad and I said,
“God, I am not going to let my circumstances overwhelm me, I need You.”
So I jumped in my car, rolled the windows down, turned on some worship music and drove some open roads with nothing but the trees and the night sky. I sang at the top of my lungs not caring if anyone could hear and I...
Home is where the Lord says.
There’s something about the ocean that will always make my insides leap and cause me to smile. It’s a place that’s so sweet to me; but it’s not home. I grew up smelling like a walking cocoa butter stick mixed with salt most months out of the year and I’d be a liar if I told you I still don’t love that smell. There’s something about washing up on the...
Kenya: Day 3. Nairobi. Friday, August 19, 2011.
7am Gracia Gardens Hotel
“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed in truth.”
1 John 3:16-18
We can only...
Kenya: Day 2. Thursday, August 18, 2011.
7:45pm Kenya time
Well, because of the time change, I’ve been traveling most of the day. I’m wiped out! The Amsterdam airport was really neat. There were lots of wooden tulips and clogs—- I should’ve known. We had a four hour layover and it took me a little bit to realize I was in another country… and another continent! I bought a fresh yogurt from a Dutch cafe and...
Kenya: Day 1. August 17,2011. [taken from my...
It’s 9:30am in NYC. Later this evening, I’ll be boarding a plane at the JFK Airport with nine teammates. I’m still packing now and I’ll be meeting my team at TSC at 1:30pm to ride together to the airport. Let the journey to Africa begin!
7:30pm
Yay! I’m on my first international flight! This is so exciting and really the work of the Lord. I still laugh when I think...
“Hey mon, I know your friend is dead and there’s another dead one over...”
– Crazy Pete
stul-z; z as in zebra
Yesterday, I was not expecting to speak about Kenya in front of people. To be honest, I haven’t shared much about it yet (which is obvious to everyone and I bet you are like, “Come on Chels, get to it!!”), and for the most part I haven’t thought much about it. It has been a blur being back and random thoughts come to me everyday. On Saturday I was at work when all of a...
This is my way back home; the narrow road I walk...
I’ve waited and I’ll wait some more Won’t see me knocking on another door But all this is crazy So I’m praying Watch from a distance just to see you glow
My eyes are heavy as I sit in the warm yellow sunlight creeping through the window. These eyes are tired, but the warmth from the sun wraps me in as if it is hugging me. Breathing in and out is harder than it’s...
[Post Kenya] random thought of the day: prayer
While in Kenya, I shared with the girls at Osotua (the home in Narok where 53 girls live and Osotua is Maasai for “soul”) that many of my family and friends had been praying for them for months. They were so blessed and their faces lit up, but it did not end there— they told me to tell everyone that they were praying for them. Now, when these girls pray, they storm the gates of...
One week ago, I left Africa.
[That’s when it all came screaming back.]
Early this morning, I woke up and starred at the ceiling. I said out loud,
“Where am I?”
One week ago, I arrived in New York after about 24 hours of travel and two days ago I arrived in Alabama. Jet lag mixed with a heavy trip made my mind into an ocean that I could not process. People have often asked me about Africa and I feel silly...
My soon to be three-year-old niece, Morgan, always...
Anna: “what r u doing morgan?”
Morgan: reading the bible Anna: what does it say? Morgan: u need to b patient and get a drink for urself when ur thirsty b/c mommy can’t help u
A random post-Kenya thought
Tonight I would like to thank Jesus for blessing me with tap water. I am thankful I can brush my teeth and drink water from the tap without being sick. Too often we take simple things like this for granted; Lord forgive me.
post kenya [the trials that hit when i came home]
Long before I ever left for Kenya, many leaders and friends told me that I needed to ask God to guard my heart and mind when I got home because many times, people go through a serious spiritual attack after a trip. I am glad that I took them seriously and prepared myself because the blow that hit me was one that made me feel left for dead. The attacks started the moment I set foot in my country...
August 2011
9 posts
Final blog before Kenya.
Wow, it’s hard to believe that in mid-May I started praying and writing about Kenya and now tomorrow I will be headed there. This whole journey has been a testimony to God’s faithfulness, goodness, provision and plan. I have learned so much through this journey and now the tough yet exciting times are right at my front door!
Tomorrow my teammates who are still in NY will all be...
Two days till Kenya
If anything, the Lord is preparing me for one of the biggest spiritual battles I will ever face in a few days. In these hours, the Spirit has been teaching me the importance of believing His truth and standing in it. The enemy wants to do everything to steal, kill and destroy me so that God’s glory will not be displayed in Kenya and even my everyday life. Yet in His word, we are promised...
Five days till Kenya: In Your presence I am made...
This evening I went to a service at TSC for young people and I didn’t realize that I would leave changed. As I wrote that, I had to pause and think about the lack of faith in those words. Why would we ever think that we wouldn’t be changed after being in the presence of the Lord? Oh Lord, help my unbelief and pour Your Spirit out on me; I need You so and I know I cannot do anything...
Kenya: Six days, NYC and photos of the girls.
I am currently sitting at a desk on the 8th floor in the heart of Manhattan looking out of a window to the city. Earlier I walked from Times Square after attending a prayer meeting at TSC (the church that I am going to Kenya with) after getting pizza with two older black ladies who are like my grandmothers who I met in May. Where I am, the city is like a grid and I am actually getting the hang of...
packed: one week till Kenya.
I cannot believe it is here. Later today, I will be flying out of Atlanta to New York. Life has been non-stop lately and I haven’t shared any updates in a while, but I cannot help but sit down and write right now to share with you. God has been at work and it has been nothing short of amazing.
I left Florida on August 2 after a long time of rest and preparation for Kenya; it was exactly...
Stop asking God questions that reek of doubt.
Well it could’ve been, would’ve been worse than you would ever know..
Modest Mouse, I heard your lyrics today and I thought,
“This is so true in regards to living for the Lord. When we obey Him, we avoid the “could’ve and would’ve been” bad times.”
In regards to faith, often times we decide to ask God a million questions instead of just trusting...
“The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the LORD...”
– Psalm 19:7-11
Kenya: A picture of provision in other ways than...
On July 16, I flew home to Florida for a time to rest and prepare for Kenya. I was extremely restless at that point and I could not think straight. I thank God often for how He provided a way to send me home— not just to be home, but so He could help me stand again. Since May, I have been praying for God’s provision to help me get to this trip. I didn’t realize when I first hit...