I remember this time last year clearly; there’s a few things that are the same but a bunch more that are different. Tomorrow, I am going home for Christmas… and this is where this all begins.

Last year at this time, I was at the end of me. I was tired and I felt like I could sleep for weeks. It was my first December away from home for my birthday and it was also my first December in four years not going to Mexico. My mind was ragged and yet my heart was clinging on to hope. God’s timing was perfect.

When I got home, God showed me why He didn’t allow me to go to Mexico. I was with a group of dear friends one night and around midnight, I got a phone call from my mom. My heart dropped when I looked at me phone because I knew something had to be wrong. Sure enough, she told me she was taking my daddy to the hospital. She didn’t know what was wrong and she needed me to talk to Corey, my younger brother. I held the phone in complete silence when a still small voice said,

“I am good; this is why I took away Mexico this year.”

When I hung up the phone, I told my friends what happened and then probably one of my sweetest memories of Christmastime last year took place— they gathered in a circle around me and just cried out for my dad, mom and family. The Holy Spirit swept through my friend’s living room and my restless heart was still.

You see, it was restless from months of crazy hard work.. I was fresh out of college, out of the big city and had no friends. Living and working at Hopes Inn was one of the most challenging and yet awesome things I have done. But at that point I was restless… it happens to all of us. We are so weak you know; any strength anyone has is not their own. So at just the right time, God paved the way to go home. And He showed me His goodness by showing why I needed to be home: for my family and what was going to happen and for rest. The prayers of my friends stilled my heart. 

When I went home that night, I talked to my brother… God knew I needed to be there for him. That night I went to bed in complete rest and peace and woke up the next day to another miracle from the very hands of God. 

That Christmastime the Lord spoke to me so much; I saw Him for who He was and my heart was overflowing with love for my Savior. I had also reached a crossroads I suppose… in about six months, my time at Hopes Inn would be over. I had already been in prayer on what to do. Stay? Leave? Go back to Florida? Clear as day the Lord spoke me to one morning.. I was alone in my parents house and laying in my bed. He said,

“Tampa is no longer your home.”

All I could do was say “Yes Lord.” It didn’t make me sad… He didn’t answer the staying or leaving yet and I realized that was because it was not my time to know. But what He told me was huge. It’s something that today I can saw without a shadow of a doubt that I am sticking to. What God says is good…

And this brings us to 2011.

What God says is good.

Another Christmastime and rest is what I need again. I’ve come to the end of me but this time it looks different—  this is in a spiritual sense. This is a good end to come to and one that should not be fought. 

Last Christmas, I would have never dreamed that I would go to Kenya in the new year. That was probably one of the most beautiful opportunities God has ever given me. But I’ve found in life that often times in beauty, there is pain… pain can come before beauty or after; or maybe both. In this case, both happened. Before Kenya, God had finally given me an answer about Hopes Inn. When a year came, He said leave. It was as clear as day… but I didn’t. I was scared. I had no money and yet I was watching God provide hundreds after hundreds of dollars for Kenya and I couldn’t even trust Him with my everyday life. What a lame excuse and lack of faith I had! So I stayed.. overstayed I should say, for two extra months. Those were not so pretty, but I look back and know that because God said GO and I didn’t. We can’t expect to be disobedient and have God bless us….

Pain lead up to Kenya. I finally got the guts one day and at the point no one understood and I obeyed the Lord. I went… and boy did He provide. He gave me a place to live and a job— both which I didn’t go looking for. I was so shocked and then I heard God say,

“Chelsie, I provide… not just for something like Kenya, but even for your everyday life. I am good.”

Talk about a beautiful smack down that lead me to beautiful Kenya. Well.. all I have to say is that God did something amazing there. He also did something in my life that I think I left in Africa. I hope one day He takes me back for more than two weeks. But until then, here I am, back in the states.

Pain came like  car crash when I came back to the states… pain that brought me to the end of me- that’s where I found the beauty again.

You see, God intends everything for the good of those who love Him. Sometimes we see people do things that aren’t right and when we see it, we can chose to either focus on that or on God. I think sometimes we focus so much on what people do because it’s something we can see physically; what a trap from the enemy.

But it was a trap I fell into this time… this trap sucks us dry and we can’t see with the eyes of God. Instead, we see with our own, sinful, damaged and broken eyes. Our flesh can’t possibly see what is good in the midst of tragedy… even when you try to be positive it’s only a false sense of hope. Looking at everything that was messed up, even though the truth is that it really was, was the last place I needed to look. I needed to look straight at the Lord.

A lot happened in the few months that lead to Christmastime. I can sit here and really trace back the moments where God ripped me out of killing myself and sorrow. He literally fought for me! 

His love brought me to a halt… and I was faced with a choice— what was I going to look at? Was I going to look at man or at Him? In deep conviction and repentance, I decided to look at Him. 

I was driving in my car when this happened. I about had to pull over because I was in complete awe… God started to show me why He is good in my life and everything going on in it.

He showed me what He orchestrated to save me.

I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say…

I welcomed Him back when I could finally get some words out. 

As I get ready to go home tomorrow, I can see how He lead me into a place so beautiful once again. His timing is perfect— a time of rest in Him is about to happen and also a time of life. I am in complete awe as I laid down every piece of me again. It was never about me and I am so thankful that once again God saved me from getting lost in that again.

When we come to the end of ourselves, that’s when beginning is found in God… and that is a beautiful place to be— it is good.